Self-Determination Using Your Power

Our lives are defined by the decisions we make each day. When we choose one option over another, whether we are selecting a restaurant or considering a cross-country move, we shape our lives. The decision-making process can be empowering, allowing us to enjoy the benefits of self-determination. Yet it can also be a source of anxiety because decisions force us to face the possibility of dissatisfaction and inner conflict. As a result, many of us opt to avoid making decisions by allowing others to make them for us. We consequently turn our power over to spouses, relatives, friends, and colleagues, granting them the stewardship of our lives that is ours by right. Though the decisions we must make are often difficult, we grow more self-sufficient and secure each time we trust ourselves enough to choose.

Ultimately, only you can know how the options before you will impact your daily life and your long-term well-being. Within you lies the power to competently weigh the advantages and disadvantages of each selection. Even if you feel incapable of making a decision, your inner wisdom and your intuitive mind will give you sound counsel if you have faith in yourself. Try to come to your own conclusions before seeking the guidance of others, and even then, treat their suggestions as supplementary information rather than votes to be tallied. Before making your choice, release your fear of wrong decisions. Perceived mistakes can lead you down wonderful and unexpected paths that expose you to life-changing insights. If you can let go of the notion that certain choices are utterly right while others are entirely wrong, you will be less tempted to invite others to take the reigns of your destiny.

When your choices are your own, you will be more likely to accept and be satisfied with the outcome of those choices. Your decisions will be a pure reflection of your desires, your creativity, your awareness, and your power. Since you understand that you must live with and take responsibility for your decisions, you will likely exercise great care when coming to conclusions. As you learn to make informed and autonomous choices, you will gain the freedom to consciously direct the flow of your life without interference.

Love and Marriage

A student asks a teacher, “What is love?”

The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders….may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one… But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, “…this is love… You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person….”

“What is marriage then?” the student asked.

The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, “this time you bring back a corn…. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get…. This is marriage.“*

40 Things You May Not Know

1. Money isn’t made out of paper; it’s made out of cotton.

2. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the varieties of pickle the company once had.

3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks – otherwise it will digest itself .

4. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

5. The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a “tittle”.

6. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

7. Susan Lucci is not the daughter of Phyllis Diller(internet rumors).  Susan Lucci is the daughter of Victor

8. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo … no one knows why.

9. 40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

10 Every person has a unique tongue print (no licking at the scene of a crime!).

11. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

12. The ’spot’ on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino.

13. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

14. During the chariot scene in ‘Ben Hur’ a small red car can be seen in the distance.

15. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

16. Chocolate affects a dog’s heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

17. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark’s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

18. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww)..

19. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants!

20. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

21. Upper and lower case letters are named ‘upper’ and ‘lower’ because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the ‘upper case’ letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, ‘lower case’ letters.

22. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.

23. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

24. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

25. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before!

26. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

27. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips.

28. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

29. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original “Halloween” was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

30. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

31. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can’t sink in quicksand.

32. The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

33. American Airlines saved $40,000 in ‘87 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.

34. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

35. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It’s the same with apples!

36. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

37. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

38. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

39. Back in the mid to late 80’s, an IBM compatible computer wasn’t considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft’s Flight Simulator game.

40. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them.

Wanted A Wife – FUNNY HUMORS

A news paper had a humour page with following matrimonials published in it.

BANKER: Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

CAR MECHANIC: Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average.

DOCTOR: Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I’m looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

DRUNKER: Wanted a girl. Girl’s father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preffered will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

LAWYER: I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I’m looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

SOFTWARE ENGINEER: Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities) .There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her.LowBugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. She Must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.

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Develop your connection between mind and heart

1. Be yourself
If I make a comment to someone – even though it was kindly and sincerely meant – and they get upset or take offense, is their upset my responsibility?
The answer is no.
You can genuinely love someone whilst nevertheless doing something they don’t like or agree with.You do it because you feel it is the right thing to do, though you still understand and have empathy for their different viewpoint (which causes their emotional reaction) which they have created by their own choices and belief system.If one only did things others can easily accept then the status quo would never progress.That would truly be a trap.

The solution here is better communication, leading to increased understanding of each other’s viewpoint, and therefore acceptance of the differing personal realities.There is a strong imprint in our culture to feel sad, guilty, etc. for painful emotions our actions may cause to others.There’s a general misconception that you are your emotions.
“I am angry” and “you make me angry”.This is conditioning not truth.

In terms of cause and effect, it’s a viewpoint at effect.Some say that to be happy, only do what others can easily experience – it’s the same lie. And if it isn’t then you’d better re-think whether you are indeed doing the right thing.
It is one definition of a ‘wrong’ action: that which you would not like another to do to you.You are responsible for your choices, decisions and actions.For being true to your judgment.For communicating with honesty and integrity, developing and maintaining an open mind, and promoting understanding and empathy.For never compromising your freedoms and rights nor trampling on another’s. For always acting from the primary motivation of love.
That’s all and quite enough.Others are responsible, in the same way, for their own beliefs, interpretations, feelings, responses, and reactions; that’s their right and their life – none of our business.

2. Decide what you want
Think of five things that are really important to you: they might include a nice house, loving supportive partner, the chance to travel, a good job, and so on.Now look at your current life and see how it matches up.
These questions can help you pinpoint problem areas:

* What are you doing that you do indeed want to do?
* What are you doing that you don’t want to be doing?
* What are you not doing that you do actually want to do?

In the light of this information, clarify your goals.

Be specific – before you can plan how to achieve a goal it needs to be stated in a way that is realistic, measurable and time-targeted.
Your action plan should be broken down into manageable chunks – the steps you know you can make that, one by one, will take you to where you want to go.
I believe that we do create our reality, the ‘game of life’ on this planet – everything has to be achieved through action, i.e. there is distance between cause and effect.
In practice this means we do best to ‘manifest’ spiritually (perceive our goal as already achieved and be grateful and ‘allowing’ for that) at the same time as we put our goals into directed action, so there is congruence between these two aspects of our being.
Also we need to make sure that our beliefs (at every level of the mind – conscious and subconscious) match up to our goals and our desires.Mind, body and spirit working in harmony.
My work is all about encouraging individuals to discover the truth within themselves – their own inner knowing that is gradually exposed by their own increasing awareness, responsibility and acceptance.
When all distortions and filters are cleared, those subjective realities start to coincide with an objective reality, albeit on a wider dimensional basis than the 3-D world of materiality that scientific rationalism is normally limited to.

3. Don’t worry
The shadow of love is fear.
To understand one’s fears and anxieties better I have found it workable to determine what need corresponds to the fear, as fear and need tend to go together: they’re opposite flows, like the fear of not obtaining one’s needs, whether for survival, comfort, belonging, rightness, esteem, success, realization, and so on.When you’ve identified the corresponding need, it’s easier to see if that need makes sense.Of course, you are worried if your child has got lost and you do all you can to resolve that situation.

But more often worry is a result of not wanting to own up to what you have done, or trying to predict and control other people’s feelings, and especially trying to please another rather than just being content at having done what you feel is the right thing.Unpredicted obstacles may occur so it is important to stay flexible and to think laterally.The future isn’t always predictable; instead of worrying about what the future holds, we need to learn to let go and trust in the Universe to reflect our intentions.
We cannot do better than our best.
We need to be open to new ideas and listen to our intuition to direct us to new solutions.Life is a game – think of it like that and don’t take anything too seriously.
Enjoy the challenges life offers!

4. Take control
Instead of feeling overwhelmed by a task, break it down into small segments that you know you can do and start on the first one.If you have lots of incomplete jobs, list them in order of priority and tackle the most important job first.
This way you have a sense of achievement at each step – and you’ll soon find yourself getting a whole lot more accomplished.Production equals morale.And if you’re living or working in a mess, sort it out – a disordered environment is reflected in your mind.

5. What makes you happy?
Write down a list of things that make you excited, however big, small, likely or unlikely.Then work to make them occur more often in your life.And appreciate the good things you take for granted – your child’s hug or a good book.
Look for moments of joy and savour them.
Recognize how many happen every day.
Feeling good can be a way of life, not just an occasional accident.

6. Smile!
Smiling triggers happy feelings in the brain and reduces stress.Even if you don’t feel happy or confident, just behave as though you do and soon you will.Find the joy in your life and you’ll be more attractive and nicer to be around, people will be nicer to you too – and you’ll smile some more!
Joy is infectious but so is misery; therefore don’t have anything whatever to do with people who dampen your spirits, invalidate your achievements or tell you what to think.

7. Get positive
Write down every negative thought you have over the course of a week, whether it’s “My family don’t appreciate me” or “I look dreadful.” Negativity is a habit and we often don’t realize we’re putting ourselves down.
Under each negative thought you’ve written, see if you can spot an alternative way of looking at it, that isn’t so negative.
See if you’ve exaggerated the situation or overly generalized, or if you are being unnecessarily intolerant or perfectionist, or thinking in terms of pleasing others rather than yourself – the ’shoulds’ and ‘ought-tos’.
The objective world, our playing field of life, is dialectic by the nature of a game, full of beauty and ugliness, good and evil. But the subjective truth of things, the bird’s-eye viewpoint, is ultimately always positive, causative and loving – as that is your essential nature.

8. Assert your rights
Think of things which you have a right to, e.g. “I have a right to an evening out with my friends from time to time.”
Think of rights that every human being should have, such as, “I have the right not to be bullied.”
Now, protect your rights with your life, and watch your integrity and self-esteem grow.

9. Give yourself some time
Be sure to put aside a little time every day for yourself – relax with a book, in the bath or sitting in the garden with the sun on your face.
Think of some things that make you happy – worrying solves nothing.
And at night time, go to bed early enough that you get enough sleep to feel your best the next day.

10. Communicate
If you have a problem, the thing to do is to communicate: find out the information you need to get the full picture, so that the solution becomes apparent.
If you’re upset, you need to communicate and say how you feel.
If you’ve done something wrong, again you need to communicate this.
Spot where you’re backing off from what you need to do or say, and as the saying goes, “feel the fear and do it anyway”.You’ll be glad you did!

11. Nurture your relationships
Communication, understanding and empathy are the component parts of relationship, they’re equally important.
Take time and trouble over your friends and your partner.
Listen and understand their opinions.
Value a different point of view equally as your own.
Don’t make being right more important than a friendship.
People with a few close friends are more likely to be happy than those with many mere acquaintances.

12. Don’t get put in a bag
Don’t allow others to label or stereotype you – and don’t do it to yourself either!
You may have some particular qualities, or have some sort of difficulty, but don’t let that define you.
There’s much more to your life than your race or gender, your sexuality, your psychological or medical problems, your political views, or any other such particulars.
Personal growth is all about finally jumping out of the box that you’re hiding away in – you don’t need any more limiting boxes to be stuck over your head!

13. Be creative
Making something come to life that you have envisioned – whether a painting, a wonderful meal, a dress, an invention, a business plan – is infinitely satisfying.
And you’ll feel pleasure every time you think of it.If you want to be happy, get active – at work, within the family and the community.
You will feel happier when you’re participating in an activity, whether it’s just playing with a child or helping organize a worthwhile event.
Self-esteem comes from demonstrated competence.
Everyone has skills but not everyone uses them.So use your skills – find out what you’re good at and do it.
Joy is often about living in the moment, being absorbed in what you’re doing, not brooding on the past or guessing your future.
Decide what YOU really want and then go for it.It can take courage but it’s worth the risk.

14. Be Mindful
We need to be very much in touch with our heart, with our feelings, but still to remain intelligent about it – to remain in control, not driven by our emotions.
We need a balance of left and right brain – rational mind and emotional mind, logic and feelings, intellect and intuition.
This is where mindfulness and wisdom is found.
We tend to be too cut off from our feelings, in order to suppress painful ones – and this becomes a habit.
Academic education reinforces this imbalance.
And then we lose a lot of our creative and intuitional ability.
At the same time, however, when those emotions ‘escape’ we tend to be driven by them, and think and act impulsively.

10 principles for Peace of Mind..

1. Do Not Interfere In Others’ Business Unless Asked.

Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others’ affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God.. God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way. Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.

2. Forgive And Forget:

This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it. Get over this bad habit. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive,20Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.

3. Do Not Crave For Recognition:

This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives. They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you. Why do you wish to kill yourse lf in striving for their recognition? Their recognition is not worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically and sincerely.

4. Do Not Be Jealous:

We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No. Remember everybody’s life is shaped by his/her destiny, which has now become his/her reality. If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.

5. Change Yourself According To The Environment:

If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail. Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured:

This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control. If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully. Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.

7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew:

This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. . Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.

8. Med itate Regularly:

Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.

9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant:

An empty mind is the devil’s workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God’s name.

10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret:

Do not waste time in protracted wondering ” Should I or shouldn’t I?” Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Value your time and do the things that need to be done. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was desti ned to happen only that way. Why cry over spilt milk?

Classic definition & Cool Meanings in new dictionary

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master .

4. Porce : Future tense of marriage .

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of piding a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power. ..

9. Dictionary : A place where porce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee : Inpiduals who can do nothing inpidually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

24. Pessimist : - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father: A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such blogs…

Why we read the Bhagavat Geeta, even if we can’t understand it ?

An old farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young Grandson. Each morning, Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Bhagavat Geeta.

His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, “Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagawat Geeta just like you but I don’t understand it, and what I do understand, I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bhagawat Geeta do?”

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, “Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water.”

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house.

The grandfather laughed and said, “You’ll have to move a little faster next time,” and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it

was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead.

The old man said, “I don’t want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You’re just not trying hard enough,” and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house. The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty.

Out of breath, he said, “SEE…. it is useless!”

“So you think it is useless?” The old man said, “Look at the basket.”

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.

“Son, that’s what happens when you read the Bhagavat Geeta.. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will

be changed, inside and out. That is the work of Lord Krishna in our lives.”

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of the seminars, a woman asked a common question.

She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?”

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,”It depends. Is that your husband?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?”
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…

Because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you

think about your marriage! , you wi ll notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage..

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression “the labor of love.”

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can “make” love.

Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… Not just a feeling.

“No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.

And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice”

Why do we sleep

The science of sleep

We spend a third of our lives doing it.
Napoleon, Florence Nightingale and Margaret Thatcher got by on four hours a night.
Thomas Edison claimed it was waste of time.

Why do we sleep?

So why do we sleep? This is a question that has baffled scientists for centuries and the answer is, no one is really sure. Some believe that sleep gives the body a chance to recuperate from the day’s activities but in reality, the amount of energy saved by sleeping for even eight hours is miniscule – about 50 kCal, the same amount of energy in a piece of toast.

We have to sleep because it is essential to maintaining normal levels of cognitive skills such as speech, memory, innovative and flexible thinking. In other words, sleep plays a significant role in brain development.

What would happen if we didn’t sleep?

A good way to understand the role of sleep is to look at what would happen if we didn’t sleep. Lack of sleep has serious effects on our brain’s ability to function. If you’ve ever pulled an all-nighter, you’ll be familiar with the following after-effects: grumpiness, grogginess, irritability and forgetfulness. After just one night without sleep, concentration becomes more difficult and attention span shortens considerably.

With continued lack of sufficient sleep, the part of the brain that controls language, memory, planning and sense of time is severely affected, practically shutting down. In fact, 17 hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol level of 0.05% (two glasses of wine). This is the legal drink driving limit in the UK.

Research also shows that sleep-deprived individuals often have difficulty in responding to rapidly changing situations and making rational judgments. In real life situations, the consequences are grave and lack of sleep is said to have been be a contributory factor to a number of international disasters such as Exxon Valdez, Chernobyl, Three Mile Island and the Challenger shuttle explosion.

Sleep deprivation not only has a major impact on cognitive functioning but also on emotional and physical health.. Disorders such as sleep apnoea which result in excessive daytime sleepiness have been linked to stress and high blood pressure. Research has also suggested that sleep loss may increase the risk of obesity because chemicals and hormones that play a key role in controlling appetite and weight gain are released during sleep.

What happens when we sleep?

What happens every time we get a bit of shut eye? Sleep occurs in a recurring cycle of 90 to 110 minutes and is divided into two categories: non-REM (which is further split into four stages) and REM sleep.

Non-REM sleep

Stage one: Light Sleep
During the first stage of sleep, we’re half awake and half asleep. Our muscle activity slows down and slight twitching may occur. This is a period of light sleep, meaning we can be awakened easily at this stage.
Stage two: True Sleep
Within ten minutes of light sleep, we enter stage two, which lasts around 20 minutes. The breathing pattern and heart rate start to slow down. This period accounts for the largest part of human sleep.
Stages three and four: Deep Sleep
During stage three, the brain begins to produce delta waves, a type of wave that is large (high amplitude) and slow (low frequency). Breathing and heart rate are at their lowest levels.

Stage four is characterized by rhythmic breathing and limited muscle activity. If we are awakened during deep sleep we do not adjust immediately and often feel groggy and disoriented for several minutes after waking up. Some children experience bed-wetting, night terrors, or sleepwalking during this stage.

REM sleep

The first rapid eye movement (REM) period usually begins about 70 to 90 minutes after we fall asleep. We have around three to five REM episodes a night.

Although we are not conscious, the brain is very active – often more so than when we are awake. This is the period when most dreams occur. Our eyes dart around (hence the name), our breathing rate and blood pressure rise. However, our bodies are effectively paralysed, said to be nature’s way of preventing us from acting out our dreams.

After REM sleep, the whole cycle begins again.

How much sleep is required?

There is no set amount of time that everyone needs to sleep, since it varies from person to person. Results from the sleep profiler indicate that people like to sleep anywhere between 5 and 11 hours, with the average being 7.75 hours.

Jim Horne from Loughborough University’s Sleep Research Centre has a simple answer though: “The amount of sleep we require is what we need not to be sleepy in the daytime.”

Even animals require varied amounts of sleep:

Species	Average total sleep time per day
Python	18 hrs
Tiger	15.8 hrs
Cat	12.1 hrs
Chimpanzee	9.7 hrs
Sheep	3.8 hrs
African elephant	3.3 hrs
Giraffe	1.9 hr

The current world record for the longest period without sleep is 11 days, set by Randy Gardner in 1965. Four days into the research, he began hallucinating. This was followed by a delusion where he thought he was a famous footballer. Surprisingly, Randy was actually functioning quite well at the end of his research and he could still beat the scientist at pinball.